April 28 – May 1: Off Trail

Uncle Henry drives me up Dry Creek Road to Aunt Beverly’s house in Sedona. He lives next door, and years ago my grandparents lived near here as well. Everywhere in the house are pictures of family. I’m drawn to those of my mom, her sister and brother. The three of them – Kathy, Beverly and Henry Lockett – are inseparable. I never see them happier than when they are laughing, drinking and telling stories with each other.

I have dinner that night with Aunt Beverly, Uncle Henry, and my cousins Susie and Leslie. The conversation gets loud. Aunt Beverly has to rap her fork against a glass to be heard. They tell stories of the ranch by Mormon Lake, of Joe Lockett Jr. and of Tio Pepe who started as a basque shepherd and became the cook when he grew older. For years he lived in a little wood cabin at the ranch. We discuss his sexual orientation. He once kissed Aunt Beverly but she was a baby in her mothers arms at the time so it’s not a good clue.

In the morning Aunt Bev and Uncle Henry drive me to the airport in Phoenix. On the way they answer my questions about my grandfather Clay Lockett and his father (Henry Lockett) before him. He used to buy sheep in Utah, get them across the Colorado River at Lee’s Ferry, summer them in the forests around flagstaff and herd them south to Bloody Basin in the winter. They both point out routes they believe the sheep drive took, and say Grampa Clay never herded the sheep he only brought the herders supplies along the way.

When I get off my flight in San Francisco I take a cab to meet Chinita and Emma. We are visiting Stanford where Emma will go to college in the fall. I walk straight from the cab to the first orientation: backpack and all. Chinita comes out to greet me and I’m struck by how tiny and pretty she looks. We hug for the first time in weeks. This has been hard for her. Some of her friends ask her why she gave me permission to go.

All three of us watch the speakers – who are all trying to convince undecided students to attend Stanford rather than Yale, Chicago or Harvard. Emma has already decided on Stanford, but it takes her a day or two to realize she is really going to school here. Emma strikes me as different. She is more poised and confident. She takes it all in at her own speed. When we talk about the trail, she and Sydney asks questions about my inner journey. Emma has read the Snow Leopard and says I should read it.

For two days we tour the campus and the Bay Area. I have never seen a more beautiful place. Every day is sunny, every flower is blooming. Students whiz by on bikes and I feel like a befuddled old man wondering how to get out of the way. Emma stays with friends in a freshman dorm and sleeps on the floor. She borrows my sleeping bag but it is so grimy from the trail she only sleeps on top of it.

Our last night we see family in San Francisco. We eat on the sidewalk of a curry place in the Mission District. Chinita’s cousins and family from San Francisco, Ventura and Tokyo all assemble. It’s the best. We pair up to talk, then switch without a signal. Tak speaks with Emma, then with me. Chinita talks with Amanda, then her kids. After dinner we amble up to the highest corner of Flores park for a view of the city. This is where Emma will spend the next 4 years of her life. I cried on the trail when I thought of it but I look forward to reading the Snow Leopard on the trail to learn how to accept.